savveir: star (Default)
2013-08-05 10:20 pm

How do I even?

 My progression to where I am now was mostly through being an armchair pagan, I started reading Cunningham, flitted briefly over Buckland and Silver Raven Wolf(yes, I know), perused some Arin Murphy-Hiscock. The cauldron(my favorite pagan forum), was how I discovered new things. The first thing that I connected with enough, that I could progress to some sort of practice was Kemeticism. Problem was at the time I found it I did not have the skills to create a practice. At around that time I also read anything I could get my hands on in regards to Feri, but there was a similar problem, I wasn't in a place where I could work at it. 

Fast forward to the start of this year, a chance conversation lead me to look at ADF. The same chance conversation knocked down one of my mental walls I'd been railing against for a while. Both those things were only possible because of the previous work I'd done on myself. The work took a long time, I had to address many issues and reevaluate many things I grew up thinking were true. That period of change, of slowly sapping at the foundations of walls, other times breaking them fast and hard, happened whilst I was mostly being an armchair kemetic. Now I don't know if there was a deity involved(at one time I was sure there was), or if there was if I had misnamed them. I really don't know. Point is, change happened in a time where I was otherwise slowly sinking further and further into my own bullshit. 

Back to this year. 
I found within ADF, my affinity for Slavic paganism. It just felt right. However it's not enough, I knew it wouldn't be, not even in an ADF framework. When I moved away from kemeticism, I knew it wasn't a permanent move, more just shelving it for a while. It looks like it's time to pick it back up(Feri has also been resurfacing inasmuch as it can with online materials)

My conundrum is how do I even bring together these practices?

I think it's going to be a case of working it out as I go, I just feel like I'm floundering around without a boat.