savveir: star (Default)
At first I thought I'd missed Lupa's latest livestream video, then I noticed she's uploaded some talks to youtube. Well that was my afternoon sorted, I didn't have anything pressing to do, so I took my hammock outside and settled down to listen to Lupa's animal totem meditation.

The gist of the meditation is that you enter into some kind of tunnel(in the earth, a tree, sky, anything you want really), travel through that tunnel and then you come out into an area where you should find your totem or similar.

My journey started with my attempts to squeeze into a tunnel in the earth. It was a very tight fit, no matter how much I tried to change my size like Lupa suggested, the tunnel changed size as well. In reflection I feel that may have something to do with my fears, doubts and general skepticism crushing down on the tunnel around me.
When I was in the tunnel it was really dark and I kept getting frustrated when the meditation was telling me to focus on how it looked. In my opinion it needed to at least mention how it felt. On the whole, guided meditations lean far too heavily on visualisation, what about touch? or smell? those are incredibly strong senses. I could smell the wet earth of that tunnel, I could feel the texture of the dirt(clay/loam), but the smell was definitately stronger to me.

Eventually I made my way towards the end of the tunnel, it was pretty clear because now I could start to see. There was the growing light the closer to the end I got. I ended up in a very lush, moist green area, possibly somewhere between a rain forest and a European forest. They're not environments I've ever been to so it's hard to say, the Australian bush is a very unique thing.

I looked around and saw that the sky was threatening to rain heavily, I could smell the coming rain, and I continued to look around. I felt pulled in two different directions, I explored the stronger pull first. I came across a snake.
Snakes have been a recurring theme for me. I was born in the year of the snake(only by 2 days), and I've always liked snake related iconography. I've often had dreams about snakes, one in particular involved what I think was a god telling me I was part of their snake tribe, something I thought I understood when it happened but I've recently learned I was mistaken and had attempted some celestial shoe horning.

I asked the snake what it could teach me, I was given a variety of answers that wont really make sense to anyone but me. After this I moved towards the other pull.

Turns out the source of that pull was a rabbit, I couldn't tell you the colour as it kept shifting, blending into it's surroundings. I put to the rabbit the same question as the snake, the answers were forthcoming but only relevant to me.

The third thing I noticed was that there was there was some kind of bird of prey overhead. I didn't know much else other than it was a predator to both the snake and rabbit. I got the sense that would be a meeting for another time, after much work.

after a while I started getting anxious about leaving, I was starting to have trouble keeping myself together. The best way to describe it was that I felt as though I was trying to grow scales and fur at the same time.

I eventually found the tunnel again and headed back out.

I think I'll try this again one day.
savveir: star (Default)

For a variety of reasons I ended up pretty upset tonight(the why isn't relevant to this post).

I went out to the yard in the darkness, the rain was falling softly. I always find being in the rain, particularly at night, to be a calming and even cleansing influence. 

Anyway turns out the focus of my ire had followed me outside, into the rain, into the circle of trees I was standing in. After a short talk they made me a promise to make amends  in the rain, inside the circle, in front of my gods. I pointed this out to them, mentioning that regardless of whether they find this important I do. This promise is sacred to me now, and I will not take it lightly if they break it. After some assurances I was alone again.

I lay down on the grass, slowed my breathing and just existed. My mind leisurely wandering through the different sensations of the evening. The rain pattering down on my skin, the sound of the rain falling on different surfaces, the rich smell of the wet earth. 

I really do love being out in the rain, no matter the situation I always feel better afterwards. 

May 2016

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